Fantasy vs. reality: How unrealistic expectations ruin relationships

Access to free pornography online is laying foundation of many people’s sexual tastes. When one enters to discuss whether pornography is healthy or harmful, one has already entered the muddy waters, where there is no final word for the question

Fantasy vs. reality: How unrealistic expectations ruin relationships

Sex is a complex process and there can be no final word for anything related to it.

Experts say that watching porn on routine basis and becoming addicted to it does have a harmful effect. But, they also point out that there are couples who watch it on rare occasion which helps them to explore their fantasy.

Different studies mention that when people watch too much of porn, they get less attracted to their real life partner.

In porn, sex is tied with aggression and sadomasochism. So, in many cases, experts say that only when sex has aggression, the partner will be excited. For those who are psychologically inclined to types of pornographic content like angry anal penetration, men insultingly ejaculating on women’s faces; excites them.

“These days we are getting cases where even married people are seeking divorce because one of the partners is addicted to sex. Through porn they acquire new sexual taste and then they force it on their partner. When the partner cannot perform the act it often causes erectile dysfunction in men. In many cases there are men who get erection only after watching porn,” said, Dr Vaibhav Lunkad, senior sexologist from Pune.

“These days’ people do not want to face reality. World is imperfect, but they do not want to face it. Just with one click they want so called perfect world. With this they start having unrealistic expectations from oneself and from the partner while performing the act in real life,” he added.

“When one watches porn, one gets pleasure in mind, without any involvement of body. So, your mind gets satisfied without your body getting satisfied. This affects functioning of the brain. You do not get stimulus while doing sex with a real person,” said Dr Lunkad.

Porn has ruined the whole sense of love. When asked to a relationship councillor and psycho-social analyst, on how it has affected relationships, Aman Bhonsle, from Mumbai, said, “In reality sex is more awkward and lot less glamorous. But porn sets unrealistic expectations which then leads to; let’s say, for example, taking steroids just to increase the size of the penis.”

When asked about the remedies, he said, “Educating children so that they do not become victim is the long term solution. But, counselling of those who are addicted is one of the short term remedy.”

Ninad Baste, a psychiatrist and sexologist from Pune, said, “There are some couples who watch porn on rare occasions to explore their fantasies and to understand each other. There are some who watch to know about the act of sex itself. To watch it once in a while helps some couples. But in some cases, it sets high expectations from a partner. But not everyone is comfortable with oral sex.”